Archives for posts with tag: Abraham

Alternatively Titled: Genocide, Murder and Rape in Genesis

The Bible is a collection of completely human-made stories and myths, well really I should say man-made since no woman ever contributed to the Bible. The Bible, after all, is very primitive and immoral in its view and treatment of women. One doesn’t have to read far into the Bible to realize how primitive and obviously human a creation it is… but then most Christians don’t read their Bibles from front to back, they jump around cherry-picking. It’s the reason why the story of David and Goliath is one of maybe three stories involving King David that the average Christian even knows, because your local pastor knows what scriptures to avoid and what ones he can work into a sermon.

God’s actions in Genesis are a mix of his typical evil bullshit and basic incompetence betraying the fact that the ancient Jews who wrote Genesis did not believe in the omnipotent omniscience disembodied mind that God has become today. Rather the God of Genesis, walks, talks and can even have his mind changed by human beings.

I could talk about any number of stories from Genesis. The Flood, God’s worldwide ethnic cleansing in which infants, children, and animals are all slaughtered for the sins of the rest of humanity. I could talk about the Tower of Babel, where God somehow fears that human beings will build an actual stairway to heaven tall enough to reach him and thus, in his fear, he decides to cast a spell on everyone creating the languages of the Earth.

Really though I think I will start even earlier, with the story of Cain and Abel in Genesis 4. Cain and Abel are the first human beings to offer God offerings. God, being that he is the primitive creation of ancient people, prefers Abel’s offering of dead animal parts with favor but looks on Cain’s offerings of vegetable matter not-so-favorably. The Bible never tells us why God requires rituals and blood-magic as offerings but for the ancient superstitious people that wrote this stuff it would have likely seemed obvious that such things were what God wanted.

cainandabel

The story also never tells why God doesn’t like fruits and veggies. It makes very little sense as God created all things and had previously declared his creation GOOD. One would assume that God would therefore look upon Cain and Abel’s offerings, and the toil it took to gain them, equally. In fact its arguable that Abel’s offering is morally lesser, as it involves the suffering of an animal.

Either way Cain is jealous and kills his brother. God arrives and God apparently doesn’t know where Abel is because he asks Cain. Now conventional Christianity holds that the “wages of sin is death” so one would think that God might strike down Cain. Instead God banishes Cain from his little plot of land and tells him that he will be a wanderer for all time. Cain laments that surely those who discover him will kill him, presumably for what he’s done. I’m not sure who Cain is worried about killing him, unless he thinks that Adam and Eve will murder their only remaining son for his act of murdering their other son.

We have to assume he’s talking about his Mother and Father, Adam and Eve, because there aren’t any OTHER people yet. God, stupid fucker that he is, has created a massive population bottleneck when it comes to human beings and the only way out, unless he creates some more people, is for Adam and Eve’s kids to commit incest in order to populate the Earth. The Bible never solves this issue.

God shows mercy to Cain for some reason and places a “mark” on Cain that somehow prevents people from murdering him.

fuckthebible21

The next verses are rather confusing. Cain fucks his wife, has a son and starts building his own city. Now unless the book of Genesis takes place in Minecraft this makes very little sense. For one thing where did Cain’s wife come from? For another thing what benefit is a city for a family of three? And how does Cain plan to feed his family when God has just cursed him to be permanently bad at agriculture? I suppose he’ll just go into the city and buy food in the markets? The markets that no one works at because a city can’t be for three people.

Another point of interest in this story is that Cain departs from the presence of the Lord by way of going to a place called Nod. God’s presence, in the book of Genesis, appears to have a limited geographic range.

Later on in Genesis, when we get into the Abraham story, there is an interesting visitation of God into Abraham’s life. In reading Genesis Chapter 18, in which this story takes place, remember that in Genesis 3 God walked in the Garden AND couldn’t find Adam and Eve when they hid themselves so he had to audibly call out to them.

fuckthebible22

In Genesis 18 we have the story of Abraham being visited by three men. Interpretations of who these three men vary wildly. Regardless of who they are one of the men must be Yahweh himself because he begins talking to Abraham after Abraham prepares a feast. God tells Abraham that Sarah will have a child, despite the fact that Sarah is beyond the child-bearing age and Abraham is also far too old. Sarah disbelieves and scoffs at the idea.

God and Abraham depart the tent and God begins telling Abraham about his plan to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah because they have been so corrupt. But God isn’t sure if the wickedness is as bad as the terrible things he’s heard out of Sodom. Yes God it seems is NOT omniscient in the book of Genesis. God does not know whether or not he’s going to have to destroy the city.

Abraham actually calls God’s morality into question, begging Yahweh not to destroy the innocent alongside the wicked in Sodom and Gomorrah. So Yahweh makes a deal with Abraham that if he can find fifty righteous people in the city he won’t rain down hellfire on it. What comes next can only be described as haggling, and yet, despite the fact that it is God Abraham is arguing with, it works.

fuckthebible23

Here is Abraham trying to talk Yahweh out of his genocidal tendencies and actually managing to make some headway! Kudos to Abraham for showing himself to be more moral than the God he serves, though that changes later on God asks Abraham to sacrifice Isaac and Abraham was actually going to go through with it – a test that an omniscient God would have no need of running, but the Biblical God in Genesis is NOT all-knowing!

The last Genesis story I want to touch on comes from Genesis Chapter 34 and demonstrates how the Bible treats women. As the story opens Jacob’s daughter Dinah has caught the eye of a man named Shechem, who is a Hivite and not one of God’s chosen people. Shechem jumps the gun and rapes poor Dinah. After he rapes her he decides its for the best if he goes through the direct channels to try to earn her hand in marriage. Now an ordinary moral human being might think that the correct channels would be for Shechem to have asked Dinah to marry her…

But no, in the Bible we have a strict system of arranged marriages (or else selling your daughter into slavery, brides had a PRICE). A daughter was like any other possession and she had something of powerful value, her virginity. Dinah’s family is angry about the whole rape thing but Hamor and Shechem call a meeting between the families. Hamor and Shechem petition Jacob and his sons that their families should intermarry, offering a marital exchange of daughters so that they can all combine forces. The girls have no say in this, they are pieces of property to be moved around, married off in marriages of convenience to help build wealth and social ties.

Jacob and company trick Hamor and Shechem into a deal in which Hamor’s entire group has to get circumcised (because God hates foreskins even though he created them). For some stupid fucking reason Hamor and Shechem agree and their entire group get circumcised. Then, while their enemies are injured, Jacob’s sons move in for the kill raiding the entire city and killing all the men.

fuckthebible24

And once again they take the women and children as plunder, spoils of war, to be done with whatever they will. Fuck the Bible. Fuck this barbaric horseshit. Why do people pretend this is the Good Book? If this is your idea of good you can fuck right off.

So I’d say that leaves Yahweh in the scrap-heap of history where he belongs. But let’s hear what Sarah Connor has to say –

Advertisements

Alternatively Titled: Mutilations, Sacrificing your Own Child and Why your Wife Should STFU until Church is Over

steve

In the last post we started talking a little bit about how the Bible dictates ways in which we should interact with our families, particularly our children. The God of the Bible seems to support beating kids and, in numerous situations, gathering together everyone in town to help beat our own children to death.

Of course there are a host of other bizarre and disturbing passages of the Bible which demonstrate that it’s God considers himself owner of his chosen people.

Take, for example, the mass genital mutilation of circumcision. Once a Jewish custom in today’s world circumcision is the normal despite the fact that it provides little or no benefit while removing the most sensitive nerve endings of the penis from a child that isn’t old enough to understand or consent to ANY operation – let alone one as pointless as circumcision. Such genital mutilation is now considered normal in our society and we have the fucked up pages of the Bible to thank for that.

Yahweh, God of the Bible, is obsessed with foreskins, for reasons that are never fully explained he sates his fetish for foreskin by having his people mark their covenant with him by cutting off their own… but then he also has them do this to their unsuspecting children. This alone is stomach-churning and sick. The idea that God, after having created his amazing and perfect creation, would want men to disfigure themselves in such a way is weird and disturbing but inflicting it on children who don’t know any better, when it serves no purpose other than as a ritual, is immoral and evil.

God sets up this system of sex organ disfigurement through Abraham instructing Abraham to perform the act on himself before turning his blade on his eight day old son Isaac. Yes God apparently gives Abraham the surgical advice on how to do the operation, an act that I imagine would have raised eyebrows and been impossible to complete if Abraham had been a real actual person and God had not been fictional as well. Of course given what Abraham was later instructed to do, sacrifice his own son, it isn’t surprising that he was willing to go through with this small act of absolute horror when he would have put a dagger in his own son had God not revealed that he was just fucking with the old man.

noahnew1

The most disturbing verses about circumcision don’t have much to do with families but I’ll share them here. While David and Saul are fighting the Philistines the Bible depicts Saul as descending into madness as David rises through the ranks following the slaying of Goliath. Saul is getting really jealous and what’s worse God has sent an evil spirit to deceive him. No you’ve read that right, God has sent an evil spirit and revoked his own spirit from Saul. You can read along in 1 Samuel 18 if you’d like to confirm that this is indeed a real story.

fuckthebible13

Saul cooks up a plan to send David on a suicide mission by promising him that he could marry his daughter Michal if he can come back with One Hundred Philistine foreskins. Now please note he’s not going to talk the Philistines into voluntarily chopping off the skin at the end of their dicks, he’s going to do it himself, by force. David goes out and slays the Philistines and comes back not with the measly price of one hundred foreskins but with TWO hundred. They are counted in front of Saul so there can be no confusion.

This is a book that people hand to children and say it contains invaluable wisdom for living your life even in today’s modern world. Wisdom like, women are worth a certain number of dead-man dick-tips AND that God can send evil spirits when he’s pissed off at you. Yes, such wonderful and endearing wisdom as war, barbarism and bloodshed so often depict.

We touched a little bit on Isaac earlier and how Abraham was ready to carve up his son as a burnt offering to God before God finally revealed it was all a test. An unnecessary test, of course, for God knows the contents of the heart of every man and would have no need of putting Isaac and Abraham through such hell.

But the aborted sacrifice of Isaac is not the only instance of human sacrifice to Yahweh. In fact in one Biblical story Yahweh directed and accepted the human sacrifice of a man’s daughter after giving him victory in battle. I am, of course, talking about Jephthah and his daughter, who, in true Biblical fashion, doesn’t even have a name. The spirit of the Lord comes upon Jephthah just before he goes to war and causes him to make a vow to God. If God grants him the victory he will give as a burnt offering the first thing that comes out his door to greet him.

Now it seems to our modern tastes that this is a foolish bet to make with God but this is in ancient times where the first thing that came out to meet him might well have been a goat, a donkey, or a chicken. Far animals were often kept on the first floor of houses in that day and age. However it does turn out to be a fucking stupid bet to make as Judges 11 records.

fuckthebible14

After this his daughter actually volunteers to be sacrificed, goes off to weep for her virginity and then Jephthah does as he had promised and sacrifices her. Yahweh doesn’t intervene, he doesn’t come down and stop Jephthah at the last second. She is the only directly mentioned human sacrifice in all of scripture, other than Jesus, that Yahweh accepts as an offering. Only here one man and his poor brain-washed daughter are paying the price.

Outside the barbarism of the Old Testament the New Testament paints a picture of family relations that is not much better, although it doesn’t involve any foreskins or burning your own children (thank goodness). Rather it involves verses of scripture used to uphold the inequality of the sexes. The Bible is an absolutely terrifying book when it comes to how it treats women, they are second class citizens, chattle, and are made into slaves and property.

In the New Testament things improve only slightly. For example 1 Peter chapter 3 says that women should submit themselves to their husbands and that in their submission they would somehow help their husbands stay true to the path. It also says that they should call their husband lord and obey their commands. Women are later referred to as the weaker of the two sexes here:

fuckthebible15

I’m not really a feminist per se but I certainly do not support the idea that women are the weaker sex or are somehow lesser than men are nor do I particularly find the idea that women should be submissive to their husbands compelling. Of course the Apostle Paul also has some advice to Christians on whether women should become leaders in Church.

2 Timothy claims that women are never to have authority over men, certainly not in spiritual matters and are not allowed to teach in Church. This sexist nonsense was supposedly authored by the Apostle Paul, a man who claimed to be in contact with Jesus and the creator of the whole Universe. 2 Timothy chapter two also blames women for the Fall of man and says that women can be saved through bearing children. The childbearing verse is one of two big verses that form the pillars of the so-called Quiverfull movement, a far-right Christian movement that seeks to have as many children as possible.

1 Corinthians doubles-down on the whole submission thing claiming that women with questions in Church ought to just wait for church to be over to ask their husband

s.fuckthebible16

Most Christian women, especially evangelicals, like to ignore these passages, as Christian cherry-picking causes most Christians to ignore a great deal of what the Bible actually teaches and says. Wives are to be submissive, women aren’t to talk or preach and a wife can be bought for a certain price in foreskins and sometimes it might be necessary to murder your own daughter and burn her as a ritual human sacrifice and those are just some of the wonderfully fucked up things we learned from the Bible today!

Join me next time for further exploration of the fucked up and ridiculous nonsense of the Bible, a book written by ancient people for ancient people held up as some kind of moral guide in today’s world because thousands of years of brainwashing are just beginning to wear off now. Thanks for reading!

noah2