Archives for category: Family Values

Alternatively Titled: Mutilations, Sacrificing your Own Child and Why your Wife Should STFU until Church is Over

steve

In the last post we started talking a little bit about how the Bible dictates ways in which we should interact with our families, particularly our children. The God of the Bible seems to support beating kids and, in numerous situations, gathering together everyone in town to help beat our own children to death.

Of course there are a host of other bizarre and disturbing passages of the Bible which demonstrate that it’s God considers himself owner of his chosen people.

Take, for example, the mass genital mutilation of circumcision. Once a Jewish custom in today’s world circumcision is the normal despite the fact that it provides little or no benefit while removing the most sensitive nerve endings of the penis from a child that isn’t old enough to understand or consent to ANY operation – let alone one as pointless as circumcision. Such genital mutilation is now considered normal in our society and we have the fucked up pages of the Bible to thank for that.

Yahweh, God of the Bible, is obsessed with foreskins, for reasons that are never fully explained he sates his fetish for foreskin by having his people mark their covenant with him by cutting off their own… but then he also has them do this to their unsuspecting children. This alone is stomach-churning and sick. The idea that God, after having created his amazing and perfect creation, would want men to disfigure themselves in such a way is weird and disturbing but inflicting it on children who don’t know any better, when it serves no purpose other than as a ritual, is immoral and evil.

God sets up this system of sex organ disfigurement through Abraham instructing Abraham to perform the act on himself before turning his blade on his eight day old son Isaac. Yes God apparently gives Abraham the surgical advice on how to do the operation, an act that I imagine would have raised eyebrows and been impossible to complete if Abraham had been a real actual person and God had not been fictional as well. Of course given what Abraham was later instructed to do, sacrifice his own son, it isn’t surprising that he was willing to go through with this small act of absolute horror when he would have put a dagger in his own son had God not revealed that he was just fucking with the old man.

noahnew1

The most disturbing verses about circumcision don’t have much to do with families but I’ll share them here. While David and Saul are fighting the Philistines the Bible depicts Saul as descending into madness as David rises through the ranks following the slaying of Goliath. Saul is getting really jealous and what’s worse God has sent an evil spirit to deceive him. No you’ve read that right, God has sent an evil spirit and revoked his own spirit from Saul. You can read along in 1 Samuel 18 if you’d like to confirm that this is indeed a real story.

fuckthebible13

Saul cooks up a plan to send David on a suicide mission by promising him that he could marry his daughter Michal if he can come back with One Hundred Philistine foreskins. Now please note he’s not going to talk the Philistines into voluntarily chopping off the skin at the end of their dicks, he’s going to do it himself, by force. David goes out and slays the Philistines and comes back not with the measly price of one hundred foreskins but with TWO hundred. They are counted in front of Saul so there can be no confusion.

This is a book that people hand to children and say it contains invaluable wisdom for living your life even in today’s modern world. Wisdom like, women are worth a certain number of dead-man dick-tips AND that God can send evil spirits when he’s pissed off at you. Yes, such wonderful and endearing wisdom as war, barbarism and bloodshed so often depict.

We touched a little bit on Isaac earlier and how Abraham was ready to carve up his son as a burnt offering to God before God finally revealed it was all a test. An unnecessary test, of course, for God knows the contents of the heart of every man and would have no need of putting Isaac and Abraham through such hell.

But the aborted sacrifice of Isaac is not the only instance of human sacrifice to Yahweh. In fact in one Biblical story Yahweh directed and accepted the human sacrifice of a man’s daughter after giving him victory in battle. I am, of course, talking about Jephthah and his daughter, who, in true Biblical fashion, doesn’t even have a name. The spirit of the Lord comes upon Jephthah just before he goes to war and causes him to make a vow to God. If God grants him the victory he will give as a burnt offering the first thing that comes out his door to greet him.

Now it seems to our modern tastes that this is a foolish bet to make with God but this is in ancient times where the first thing that came out to meet him might well have been a goat, a donkey, or a chicken. Far animals were often kept on the first floor of houses in that day and age. However it does turn out to be a fucking stupid bet to make as Judges 11 records.

fuckthebible14

After this his daughter actually volunteers to be sacrificed, goes off to weep for her virginity and then Jephthah does as he had promised and sacrifices her. Yahweh doesn’t intervene, he doesn’t come down and stop Jephthah at the last second. She is the only directly mentioned human sacrifice in all of scripture, other than Jesus, that Yahweh accepts as an offering. Only here one man and his poor brain-washed daughter are paying the price.

Outside the barbarism of the Old Testament the New Testament paints a picture of family relations that is not much better, although it doesn’t involve any foreskins or burning your own children (thank goodness). Rather it involves verses of scripture used to uphold the inequality of the sexes. The Bible is an absolutely terrifying book when it comes to how it treats women, they are second class citizens, chattle, and are made into slaves and property.

In the New Testament things improve only slightly. For example 1 Peter chapter 3 says that women should submit themselves to their husbands and that in their submission they would somehow help their husbands stay true to the path. It also says that they should call their husband lord and obey their commands. Women are later referred to as the weaker of the two sexes here:

fuckthebible15

I’m not really a feminist per se but I certainly do not support the idea that women are the weaker sex or are somehow lesser than men are nor do I particularly find the idea that women should be submissive to their husbands compelling. Of course the Apostle Paul also has some advice to Christians on whether women should become leaders in Church.

2 Timothy claims that women are never to have authority over men, certainly not in spiritual matters and are not allowed to teach in Church. This sexist nonsense was supposedly authored by the Apostle Paul, a man who claimed to be in contact with Jesus and the creator of the whole Universe. 2 Timothy chapter two also blames women for the Fall of man and says that women can be saved through bearing children. The childbearing verse is one of two big verses that form the pillars of the so-called Quiverfull movement, a far-right Christian movement that seeks to have as many children as possible.

1 Corinthians doubles-down on the whole submission thing claiming that women with questions in Church ought to just wait for church to be over to ask their husband

s.fuckthebible16

Most Christian women, especially evangelicals, like to ignore these passages, as Christian cherry-picking causes most Christians to ignore a great deal of what the Bible actually teaches and says. Wives are to be submissive, women aren’t to talk or preach and a wife can be bought for a certain price in foreskins and sometimes it might be necessary to murder your own daughter and burn her as a ritual human sacrifice and those are just some of the wonderfully fucked up things we learned from the Bible today!

Join me next time for further exploration of the fucked up and ridiculous nonsense of the Bible, a book written by ancient people for ancient people held up as some kind of moral guide in today’s world because thousands of years of brainwashing are just beginning to wear off now. Thanks for reading!

noah2

Advertisements

Alternatively titled: Is it Okay to Beat my Child… and when I can I murder them?

CARL

For centuries Christians have used the Bible as an excuse to beat their children. Of course before society solidified enough to give us laws protecting the innocent miniature humans known as children beating your kids was widely considered acceptable discipline. Even in today’s world certain forms of physical punishment are legal in certain parts of the Western civilized world. But there is a difference between a hand smacking a child’s hand away from a hot stove and getting a branch, a rod or another device that will actually leave a serious mark.

Child abuse is a horribly immoral thing so you’d think that the Bible, a book inspired by the infinitely wise and merciful creator of the Universe, would outright condemn the abuse of children. Except that it doesn’t, ever, at all. In fact the Bible is quite in favor of beating your children. Numerous verses claim that beating your child is not only morally okay but its actually beneficial to the child later in life.

Often lauded as the wisest book of the Bible Proverbs, credited to King Solomon himself (though of unknown authorship), tells us that children should be beaten.

fuckthebible7

Later on in the book we are told that children who disobey their parents should have their eyes plucked out by a raven. How wonderfully wise and merciful! Yes what a truly beautiful sentiment to put down on paper!

fuckthebible9

Sarcasm aside this is a rather frightening set of passages, although certainly not as severe in their wickedness as other passages I’ve talked about on this blog. It does seem odd that a God would inspire these passages. What, exactly, is God’s obsession with the Earthly authority parents have over their children that would cause him to inspire such cruel proverbial teachings?

Sometimes a beating is not enough. Sometimes it will be necessary to stone your child to death. Sometimes, when your child is rebellious enough, you may have to gather together everyone in town to hit them with rocks until they are bloodied, broken, and just plain fucking dead.

fuckthebible10

Aside from cursing your Father or Mother the Bible offers another instance in which a child should be put to death – if that child is rebellious, gluttonous and drunk they should be stoned to death.

Most people would probably try an intervention first, perhaps alcoholics anonymous or some other therapy group (somewhat ironically Alcoholics Anonymous is a religious institution that requires you to call on a higher power to break your addiction, rebellious children shouldn’t call on Yahweh). If your kid won’t listen to you after you’ve talked to him about his ways there is only one Biblical solution – take your kid and stone them to death, they are evil. In today’s society there is question as to whether capital punishment is a moral thing in the first place and there are Christians that would object to the death penalty. Yet the Bible is clear on a whole host of issues that are deserving of the death penalty.

fuckthebible8

So let’s look at another passage that reflects the Bible’s “Family Values”. What should Christians and Jews do when a member of their family turns to another religion. Let’s say your Niece becomes a neo-pagan for whatever reason or your Brother is a Wiccan or your dear Auntie Edna is a Hindu… what do you do when they begin talking about their religion and trying to get you to join them?

Do you,

A) Politely decline and agree to disagree on the subject of religion

B) Get into a Heated Religious Debate

C) Stop talking to them and even ignore them at Thanksgiving Dinner

D) Gather everyone together and stone them to death, you and your family MUST be first to cast stones and participate in the brutal execution

fuckthebible12

So as you can see the correct answer is actually D. See following some other faith or worshiping some other God is a capital offense in the Bible, it is punishable by one thing and one thing only – DEATH. Just like Islamic scriptures calling for unbelievers to be smited (smote?) the Bible is clear that those who worship other gods are deserving of DEATH.

And of course in this case you have to stone your own family together? Ask yourself, Christians, would you be willing to hurl stones at a loved one because they worshiped another God and watch the life leave their eyes? Do you have the bile, hate and evil in your heart to follow the word of God?

I know, I know, I know what you’re saying. Jesus says he who is without sin should cast the first stone. Jesus came and he gave us a new way to live and that includes a new way to deal with our families right?

Right.

fuckthebible11

Please people take the time to actually read your Bibles.

Because its fucking atrocious, its filled with awful laws, evil “morals”, and depicts a stupid, cruel, self-contradictory God that is so stupid and evil it can only be man-made. Stay-tuned for my next post which will also be about the unsavory ways in which Biblical characters and stories completely demolish the notion that the Bible is the good book and its God anything other than an evil invention of sadistic primitive minds.